Chinese or Westerners?

I just recently read an article on discipline, written by a Chinese woman, who, I am guessing, is now living in the USA married to a Westerner. She was talking about the difference in discipline between her culture and ours. She pointed out how Westerners do not discipline or expect enough of their children, while the Chinese expect perfection in every subject. I strongly suggest reading the article yourself, which you can do so by clicking HERE. I think she has some strong points, although I wouldn't say that the Chinese are entirely a culture I'd like to emulate. First, they're not a very imaginative people. I think their creativity is beaten out of them-try to think of something significant they have invented. Second-look at their suicide rates. They're pretty high. And third-they're still living in a society where they have limited freedoms... I am guessing that since they are raised being TOLD what to do all the time, they don't realize how little freedom they have. Maybe they like their labor camps though, who knows. All I know is that I am glad to be an American, and I wish more people knew what real discipline was.

After reading the article, I completely agreed with her. As someone who does not have children yet, I am the ultimate authority on how to raise them. Of course I am :) And, as my siblings with children will tell you, have no problem sharing my opinion. And telling them what to do. All the time. And it never gets old. For that, I should apologize. But, it will feel good in a couple years when they get to dish it back, right!? I will go ahead and be the first to tell you that I am sure my kids will be far from perfect, possibly little devils. But, not if I can help it. Let me tell you why...

I have babysat for years, all the time, tons of children. I had parents calling me every weekend since I was twelve, I was probably the most requested babysitter because I always washed the dishes, cleaned up the house, played and read books and never, ever resorted to the television when I babysat. And kids loved me. Probably fifteen years ago I was babysitting this cute little boy. When I babysat, he didn't leave the table until he was done eating his food. And, he cleared his own place. I felt that at the age of four, it was something he was capable of. Anyway, that night he didn't finish his food, but was bringing me his plate anyway. When I said, "Oh, you have to eat your food all gone, hon!" He threw the macaroni and cheese at me and all over the floor. As a result he spent the next ten minutes cleaning it up. Every. Single. Noodle. I felt that was more effective than time out, and I sure as heck wasn't going clean it up. Yes, he tried to walk away after picking up a couple pieces, but I drug him right back to the mess and said, "You gotta clean it up!" It wasn't his favorite, but he didn't love me any less, and he never did it again.

There was another time when a friend and I were babysitting a large group of children. Normally after I babysat I would spend quite a while making sure everything was picked up and put away. This time as I looked around, I realized a couple things. After those kids left, any time I spent cleaning was time I spent on my own, not getting paid, cleaning up a mess I didn't make. Second, those kids were old enough to clean up. So, about fifteen minutes before the parents came I rounded up the kids and made them clean up their own mess. Cruel, aren't I? I've tried to do that ever since. I see no reason for me to clean up after children who are capable of doing it themselves. This doesn't mean I am telling the one year old to clean up, but he can pick up a toy or two on his own, it will get him into the habit. The same thing with eating. Meals should be eaten at a table, sitting down, with a fork, chewing with their mouths shut. No one should be getting up from that table with the exception of the bathroom, and especially not without asking permission. They don't leave the table until they're done eating their ENTIRE PLATE, and when they are, should ask to be excused. Then they should clear their place. Seriously. And food should NEVER leave the kitchen-because I am NOT going to be a happy camper cleaning crackers out of the couch and off the living room floor. Someone is going to get busted.

As the years of babysitting hundreds of different children, I've learned what makes a kid cute, and what doesn't. It's discipline. Kids that listen, kids that go to bed when they should, kids that don't scream and throw fits are much more likable than the ones constantly being obnoxious and doing things that they shouldn't do. I used to believe that some children "were just like that" but over the years I've watched the parents and realized that ninety percent of the child's behavior is a direct result of good or bad parenting. Church is a prime example. Why is it that parents bring an entire bag of toys to church for their kids to play with? It's like saying, "Here you go honey! Sacrament is the same as nursery-play your heart out! We don't have to be quiet here!" I am not saying that a two year old might not need a toy car or book, I am saying that maybe your four and eight year old should learn how to sit still, or draw quietly with a tiny notebook and pencil (not a box of crayons and full size coloring book). I can think of two families with six children who make less noise than several families I've observed with two children. It comes down to what those parents allow their children to do. I know it is even possible for a two-turning three year old to sit quietly during Sacrament. That's because that Mother said, "BE QUIET" during Sacrament meeting, and when her children disobeyed, they went home, sat on a stool in the middle of the living and weren't allowed to move for an hour. She called it "practicing" for Sacrament. And let me tell you, once or twice of that and that little three year old learned VERY QUICKLY she'd rather be sitting IN Sacrament meeting on a soft chair, leaning on the lap of a parent than on a uncomfortable stool in the middle of a quiet room for an hour than at home "practicing." I can hear some Mom's saying, "That is so mean!" Or, "My kid wouldn't sit there!" ... and all I can say is, "Um, you MAKE them sit there." Who is the parent, you or the kid? And why is that mean? I think it's mean to the rest of the people in the meeting to have to strain to hear the speaker because you can't keep your kids quiet.

Now, someone please quote me on this while my two year old is running around screaming. I don't doubt it will happen, but hopefully I won't be the Mom who shrugs her shoulders and says, "It's that age" or "There's nothing I can do!" Because as long as your child doesn't have special needs, there IS something you can do.

While I don't agree that the Chinese woman was right in calling her child names and forbidding TV and sleepovers, I think she has a point that Westerners are very, very lazy in their parenting. Sometimes I think parents are more concerned with making sure their children are happy than well-behaved, and I think that does a great disservice to the child later in life. And to the people around those children that have to deal with their bad behavior. I am sure when I have kids people are going to think I am a mean Mom. Part of me hopes that is true. I have learned that yes, sometimes it IS miserable for me to have to sit there and MAKE SURE someone stays in the time out chair, or sometimes it IS easier to let the child get away with something they shouldn't. But I've also learned in the long run that teaching a child good behavior and disciplining them when they are young means less work in the future, and children who are a joy to be around. Hopefully these words aren't going to come back to haunt me in the next few years, but hopefully I'll remember the few little things I've learned and will have kids that are well-behaved and not consistently throwing temper tantrums...