Parenting 101

One of these days I am going to get around to posting the story of our little guy's birth, but until then it's already been a fun week:

• Nursing is fun. It's fun to leak, it's fun to try and figure out why milk is coming out his nose, and why nursing covers are so great at being cumbersome. Tiffany stopped by with a couple of her kids, and not to embarrass anyone, especially myself, I went into my bedroom to nurse. Storie, not knowing what was going on, and not remembering Rush nursing and Andie only being bottle fed, waltzed right in my room. "Whatcha doin!?" She smiled and said. I smiled back and said, "Just feeding the baby." As she got closer the realization of what was going on dawned on her, and horrified she spun around like a ninja and hurried out of the room, shutting the door behind her without even looking back. Then, just as quick as the door shut, it opened and she said, "You really should just get a bottle."
• I discovered what a golden shower is. So did the couch.
• I know everyone loves to hear about someone elses child's bowel movements, but bear with me. Tristan hadn't pooped since the first 20 minutes he was born. I am not sure what the deal is, but I think he was saving it up to test my diaper skills. Now, I will say I have had some category five diaper explosions with other kids. We're talking leaking down their legs, covering all their clothes, smeared on cribs, the whole nine yards. Infants? Infants just can't poop as much as a two year old, they're usually no problem-even their blow outs. For some reason, my own infant scares me when I have to change his diaper. In fact, I hadn't even changed a single one for the first three days he was alive. Then on Saturday he decided to get rid of what he'd been saving all week. I opened his clothes, saw his poo and excitedly yelled at my naked husband who was just entering the shower, "JEFF! HE POOPED!" Let me tell you, Jeff was thrilled. Then as I tried to clean it up I realized there was at least a gallon in his diaper. And it was sticky. And he was screaming and kicking so hard that it got on me, the couch, him, the clothes, and I finally gave up and just told Jeff to hurry and get in here to help me... right as someone knocked on the door. My friend Jenni and her husband Chris had stopped by. You know you have a great friend when she lets herself in upon hearing your panicked voices, surveys the scene (and makes sure that it is safe.. first aid, anyone?), and then takes your poopy baby to her chest and bathes him for you. If she wasn't already married I would have taken her right then. Also, her well trained husband who had only been over once was already wrapping up the diaper and helping her out. I might stay at their house for a bit and let them train me.
• I put him on a pillow on my lap, forgot he was there (long night) and almost sent him flying to the floor.
• The next exciting moment was seeing a wet spot on his clothes in sacrament right after we blessed him. I got up to go change his diaper. As soon as I laid him down he let loose with the sound effects. Thank goodness my sister in law was in the lounge nursing at the time, and Heather stopped in to say goodbye as she was leaving early, too. We all laughed, and I said, "I think I'll let him finish." Little did I know that he was just going to keep going until he had poo E V E R Y W H E R E. I will spare you the photo, but I had my camera in the diaper bag so I had to. Pictures don't do it justice though, since it took 3 of us to clean him up again. Also, it's a good idea to take the spare outfits out of the diaper bag to make room for an extra burp cloth because you didn't realize you already had one. Why would you need a spare outfit?

Bring on week two, baby. I'm ready.