Stay at Home

I feel the need to get this off my chest. Perhaps I will sound a little high and mighty, or maybe karma will come kick my butt and for some reason I'll have to go back to work, but I kind of don't care.  Being a mom is hard, no matter how you choose to mother.  But to those who feel the need to put down someone because I choose to drive a 12 year old car to be at home with my kid clearly has their own priorities out of line.  I am a stay at home mom because I love my kids, and I believe I can do a better job raising them than anyone else.  Not everyone has the privilege to stay at home, and some don't want to.  I want to give a hug to the moms I know who wish with their whole heart they could be home with their kids.  Maybe they're a single mom.  Maybe they honestly can not make due without 2 paychecks. They ache to be there all day for their children and want to stay home.  Those are the moms I want to hug.  I feel ya.  And then there are the moms who choose not to be home.  They have to have a bigger house, a brand new car, and they want a lifestyle they can barely afford.  Or maybe they just feel like if they stayed home, they'd be smothering their children. Um. OK. Whatever floats your boat.  But to trash my life because it's not yours? Lame.  Here is what I would say if I wanted to start drama:  

Stop sending out emails to complete strangers, begging them to babysit your sick kid.  .... are.. you ... kidding... where do I start with that?  You're asking a stranger to watch your baby?  Who is vomiting everywhere?  Are you going to get my carpets clean and pay my medical bills when I catch what she has?  If her own mother doesn't want to take care of her, why do you think I want to?

Stop posting on your Facebook that you just bawl your eyes out every time you leave your kid at daycare, and then post pictures of all the expensive crap you're buying.  Here's a thought, you could stop the tears if you kept the old car and stayed home with the baby.  I don't buy it.  

Stop thinking that because I stay at home with my kids means I am not smart or reaching my full potential.  It means I like my kids more than I like money.

And  to the mom who feels I am staying home and smothering my children, well, bless you.  By smothering
do you mean picking them up and kissing them when they fall down?  Is smothering letting them eat cereal on my bed while they watch me do laundry, on a weekday, at 10am because that's when they decided they were hungry?  Is it smothering when I let them take a nap with me in my big, comfy bed because ... well, I'm tired, they're tired and we all wanted a nap?  Maybe that poor smothered child just had cookies and milk for lunch because well, when they said, "I want a cookie!" I realized that I did too.  So we cracked some eggs, melted some butter and he got to turn the mixer on and off and help me make cookies.  We had a cooking show, and baby was our audience.  She sucked on a plastic spoon and watched us cook.  Yup.  That awful smothering.. I feel for the poor little 3 year old and 3 month old who are being smothered that way.  Those poor smothered kids could have been at a daycare with 30 other kids, NOT being smothered.

I love, love being home with my kids. I have days when I want to pull my hair out, but guess what?  I have the time to take him on a bike ride around the block.  We can even stop and look at a bug and spend 15 minutes following that bug through a yard and up a tree.  A 3 year old doesn't understand time, and I have plenty to give to him.  I am not screaming and rushing him out the door at the crack of dawn to dump him at a daycare, in a room with 10 other kids.   They're going to have a group nap. And group snack.  Too bad if they're hungry at a different time than what the schedule says, because you can't give 1 kid a snack and not give the others... and no one wants to redo snack time just because 1 kid didn't want to eat at that moment.    And if he cries he'll be lucky to get a 5 second hug from his teacher, but more than likely, he'll be told, "You're alright."  And no one will kiss his owie and give him a band aid.   Your baby will be raised in another room with several other babies.  A swing will rock them to sleep instead their mother's arms, maybe on a good day someone will have time to hold them, but they'll be sharing that time with the other babies.  If your baby is a good baby, meaning they don't cry, that's worse. Because they're not crying, they'll get ignored.  But that's OK, because you're out at some job, "making a difference."  ... because making a difference in someone else's child's life is more important than making a difference in your own home.  Well, you're probably right. Your kids are better off having some day care raise them if that's what you believe.

I believe personally, that a huge part of the reason our society is so messed up these days is the lack of family structure.  So many moms are at work now that no one is home to take care of the kids.  No one is there to teach them right or wrong.  Kids are in a daycare, where the turnover rate is great, and who knows what morals and values they're learning.  We put less emphasis on the value of mothers being in the home and put more on the value of a buck.

I am home with my kids to see my 3 month old roll over for the first time, to let her take a nap in my arms, to nurse her anytime she is hungry and not have to pump.  I spend so much time with her I notice every new achievement.  She can grab things now, awkwardly, but she can grab them AND get them in her mouth.  I saw her do it.  She gets to enjoy stroller rides, bike rides and baby carrier rides all day, any day.  She doesn't have to share me with anyone but her brother.  We can go on a bike ride at any given time.  We can go to story time at the library. There is no rush when I get off work to get dinner done so I can hurry and get them in bed, so they can get up and get out to daycare at 6:30am.  My kids are asleep at that hour.  Well, most of the time.  The baby wakes up about then to eat  but .. she is unpredictable.  We can eat dinner at 5, or at 8, or whenever.  Eventually my little kids will have school, so they'll have to be in bed at a decent hour so they can be up on time for the bus... but right now?  My smothered babies do whatever we want.  Because I am their mom, and I said so.